Down
There’s a saying that really gets on my goat, one that I
hear a lot-and surprisingly a lot, and I mean A LOT of people believe in this
and quote it regularly, what is it? I hear one or two of you mumble…well, here
it is-in its glory-“What goes around, comes around.” The “just world theory”
the karma thing. It’s been proven wrong many times-but as I said loads of
people believe in it. Take it from me; it is a load of claptrap. In reality,
bad behavior often goes unpunished and good behavior unrewarded. I have seen
quite a few nasty people get away with blue murder and even have successful
lives out of it, yet other people who bend over backwards and give up a lot to
help other people don’t get as much as a thank you.
Mortality seems to be on my mind a lot-what happens next?
and all that. I’m somewhat agnostic and like to think there is something there.
For some reason I have stopped playing cds/records by artists who are no longer
alive-with the exception of Hank Williams. Why Hank? I don’t know-I’ve always
said that if there was a movie about my life Hank Williams would be the
soundtrack stuff. Hank has many songs that can relate to many aspects of my
life. Foolishly I am dwelling on the past far too much. Spilt milk, this is the
first day of the rest of your life and that-but sorry I seem to have found a
comfort zone in self pity and all that.
The world in general is pretty much getting me down. Well to
be precise, MY world in general. Just one knock back after another. Nothing I
seem to be doing to improve my meaningless little life seems to be working, and
I really do feel like giving up and just take a back seat and watch the world
go by, at least that way I’ll get no more knock backs. In the short lived TV
series “Dead Like Me.” (pardon the puns, but quirky that it was, I knew it
would not have a long lifespan-but it WOULD have been nice, if it had a proper
ending). The main character had a very cynical attitude (no wonder I liked
her)-one of her quotes was “Experience has taught me that
interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key
to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest.” Of course the optimists of
the world say things like “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” Again-claptrap.
Sometimes on a Friday when work ends I wish I could just be unplugged and cease
to exist until Monday morning when work starts again.
There is another saying that when people are
on their death beds they regret the things they did not do, as opposed to
things that they DID do. Well I have a long list of bad things that I did do-I
am trying to amend some of them-but not doing very well.
I wished I had the courage to sit down and
actually talk with somebody. But to be honest I don’t feel strong enough or
trust anybody enough. I have noticed that when I am drunk I tend to drop my defensive's and open up. Which is probably why I try hard not to get drunk. But
in saying that one woman I went out and got drunk with, and opened up to,
turned out to be a potential bunny boiler, a psychopath-my sister-in-law and
one of her friends pointed this out to me-and said if I kept on seeing her, I
would be putting my life in danger…I took there advice. The relationship never
got anywhere-which I realize was a good thing (insert slashing big knife
emoticon). Despite being the nutter that she was, talking with the bunny boiler
in training actually helped…a little.
The 21st century-there is
just too bloody much to do. Back when I were a lad. Before the internet,the
quickness of computers,digital photography, video recorders, and all that
stuff…I had more time to do the things I loved.We only had 3 television
channels-so if there was nothing on I could read a book or listen to radio-if I
missed a programme –I would ask somebody the next day.But now-if you you can
record programmes-even days after it was originally on,you can record several
programmes at once now. At night when I am trying to read a book-I am wondering
about news items breaking on the internet, and if there are any new additions to
other things on the internet, and I quickly get distracted.
UP
The Gerdymobile and Saiorse- my 2
bikes-touring bike and mountain bike. These are the things that help me keep my
head above water. One year I was at a really low point, and some people were
genuinely worried about me. If wasn’t for the Saturday mountain bike ride, I
would never have survived. There is a song by Luka Bloom-“the acoustic
motorbike” which is all about a cycle ride in Kerry. This sums up the whole meaning
of cycling to me.
The Rambling-never thought I would say it but
the rambling is starting to overtake the cycling. Gonna try a rambling holiday
this year instead of the usual ICS one. I think it will be a Donegal one –as I
seem too meet the nicest people there.(I've met mice people in other places too-but Donegal seems to be the best place)
I have decided that I am going to dedicate at
least 2 hours a night to reading. And also try to have 2 nights a week in which
I do not look at the internet/laptop. If I make one of those days Sunday(ramble
day)-well I need not say anymore there.
The whatever
The days are sunnier and warmer-this means I will soon have
to stop wearing my bobbly hats-with women it is shoes, with me it’s the bobbly
hats. It confuses everyone at work when I come in wearing different ones every
week. Happiness is a tight bobbly hat-that’s what I say. Maybe I should start wearing hats like
the Heisenberg persona in “Breaking Bad?”
I have a theory, that if we were locked in a room with no
windows or connection with the outside world or any idea of the time we would
live a 48 hour day (maybe more). I would love to get a chance to try this out. Joinees welcome
