Well I am not even a week into my new lifestyle and here I
am blathering on about it already. If anybody has seen/heard any of this
before, I’m sorry. Any new readers out there, expect me to digress every once
in a while a give off about something (And when I do
this I change the type colour). This is a blog that I tend to give off
about things, get things off my chest, In fact my very first blog here got a
great many things out of my system and actually made one reader weep-I have
deleted that one-think I said too much.And I'm either too lazy or in a hurry to check over this-OH! to have time to put hidden messages in these things. Subliminal messages THAT would be great fun!
ANY WAYS when
some people heard I was going for the early exit/early retirement, call it what
you want. One of the first things that was said to me was “make a bucket list.”
But the first thing that I did BEFORE I
applied for what was generally a “no-brainer” was I worked out all the pros and
cons of my decision. The pros outnumbered the cons, but there was actually a
few cons. Now, in no particular order-well apart from maybe the first one:-
- I will miss the people. I was in a dam fine office. OK some people in there were not the best to work with. But I am lucky and I get on with most anybody. I go out of my way to find the good in people. Being nice is far less effort than being nasty.
(I have
been in this office 15 years. I have moved around a fair bit in my work time.
When I got this one I decided that this was it-no more moves.Thankfully this
office was one of the best I was in. One of the reasons I decided to ask for
the move was unrequited love for a woman I worked with. Bit like Jim and Pam in
“The Office”-only this one did not have the happy ending that one did-ANY WAY)
- I will miss the unwinding. Seriously you know that sigh of relief you get on a Friday when you finish work, knowing that you have the weekend to look forward too. Even on a Monday. For me 2pm on a Monday was the downhill ride to the weekend.
- The routine-even though you don’t like the routine of getting up,getting ready for work and all that is a routine you get used to.
- The getting back into work mode at the end of a break/weekend. That one barely makes sense to me.Think it’s something to do with the looking forward to another weekend/holiday.
- The people-ok I know I said that before. I like being around people. The company, and audience for my terrible jokes and one-liners.
The pros on the other hand were
much longer-not enough room here for that (well slight exaggeration). Main one
was –maybe I’ll get my crazy fecked up life sorted out. Some people get the
impression that I am this carefree/trouble less (one person I know thinks I’m
very confident) . This couldn’t be further from the truth. At work I could very
easily face the most awkward, rude, loud customer on the phone or face to
face-ask me to go up to a woman I really like and ask her out? I would see
running across a busy motorway as less risky. I’m going to see about CBT
(Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) maybe sitting down and talking with a
professional might get some things sorted.
(Usually
I have to be drunk before I open up and talk. Last person I did this with
turned out to be a prospective bunny-boiler, a psycho. Seriously- my sister in
law and two of her friends warned me that my life was in danger being with
her-and advised me to stop going out with her-but when we started going out I
was at an all time low-was at the time of the aforementioned unrequited love
incident. She (aka Barmy Brenda) suggested putting in for a transfer-although I
never mentioned the unrequited bit to her. Mind you Brenda had the most
gorgeous brown eyes I have ever seen-well apart form my mammy’s –f**k up you
Freudians out there)
But recently I kind of did open
up (not what yous think) to someone and this led me to talking to my sister.
Bucket lists can be too long and
have too much pressure on you. And usually have things you know will never get
done-but look nice on a list. Only realistic goals get done. Overly ambitious
goals are discouraging; because they are so fecking lofty we will never reach
them. And when deadlines are set in the future we feel we have all the time in
the world, so we never get started.
So I’m doing my bucket list in
batches of three
- Get my fecked up life into some sort of order.
- Find my smile again
- ? fecked if I know-think that’s enough so far.
And, yes. I HAVE once or twice (that’s all) wondered if that
unrequited love was actually returned-where I be or what I’d be doing now.Don't think i'd be leaving such a good office mind you.
Thanks for making it this far-comments, suggestions
welcomed.
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